Loss Of A Loved One...
Well, this week has been an emotionally draining week. My grandfather passed away unexpectedly on Monday morning in his sleep. It was tough as he was only 66 years old. I kept thinking to myself as I sat on the couch early that morning, "how did this happen? could they be mistaken? why? how will my grandmother go on? how will she get through this?" It was a tough day and as the week progressed, it only got harder.
Attending the funeral home the next day was difficult. Seeing my grandmother breakdown was almost unbearable. She kept her composure and stayed strong while greeting the hundreds of friends and family members that came to pay their condolescences. She stood there the entire time and kept a brave face while everyone came one by one telling of their love for my grandad or the time they did this with him or that. It was difficult watching her stand there so helplessly...rubbing her husband's hair, standing there never leaving his side. As that day came to a close, my emotions were all over the place. I felt like I had cried all day long and was in definate need of some sleep.
After little sleep and many hours of tossing and turning while I awoke to the thoughts of what my grandmother was going through that very second, I found myself up and getting ready to attend my grandfather's funeral. When we got there, again there was a long line of people waiting to hug and comfort my grandmother, standing next to her sweetheart dreading the moment that she would have to say goodbye. As my moment to hug her came nearer and nearer I found myself feeling overwhelmed not knowing what I could say to help comfort her. When the time came, I just said the only thing that I could get out and it was "I love you and I'm sorry." Is there really anything else that I could have said that would have actually made a difference? She had just lost the love of her life, her soulmate, her sweetheart, the man she was to spend many many more years with. Is there really anything anyone could say that would make her heart hurt just a little bit less? If there was then I couldn't find it. The whole day passed and I couldn't say anything. I was completely speechless and almost helpless. The strong sadness I felt for my grandmother was overwhelming. How could I fix this? Is there something I could do to make it all better? In the end, there was nothing. This was one thing that I could not fix. One thing that would have to heal over time. It would take many days of crying and sadness....many days of just being and not really living. I pray that she can overcome it and grasp on to the wonderful memories she shared with this most generous man. I pray that with the support of her family and friends that she can find the will to keep on keeping on.
Through all of this, I have been reminded that life has no guarantee. I have been reminded that tomorrow may not come for all of us and that I need to live my life the best way that I know how. It reminded me of who I am and who I want to aspire to be. It's been a week of loss, mourning, reflection and a bit of soul searching. I'm exhausted!
Attending the funeral home the next day was difficult. Seeing my grandmother breakdown was almost unbearable. She kept her composure and stayed strong while greeting the hundreds of friends and family members that came to pay their condolescences. She stood there the entire time and kept a brave face while everyone came one by one telling of their love for my grandad or the time they did this with him or that. It was difficult watching her stand there so helplessly...rubbing her husband's hair, standing there never leaving his side. As that day came to a close, my emotions were all over the place. I felt like I had cried all day long and was in definate need of some sleep.
After little sleep and many hours of tossing and turning while I awoke to the thoughts of what my grandmother was going through that very second, I found myself up and getting ready to attend my grandfather's funeral. When we got there, again there was a long line of people waiting to hug and comfort my grandmother, standing next to her sweetheart dreading the moment that she would have to say goodbye. As my moment to hug her came nearer and nearer I found myself feeling overwhelmed not knowing what I could say to help comfort her. When the time came, I just said the only thing that I could get out and it was "I love you and I'm sorry." Is there really anything else that I could have said that would have actually made a difference? She had just lost the love of her life, her soulmate, her sweetheart, the man she was to spend many many more years with. Is there really anything anyone could say that would make her heart hurt just a little bit less? If there was then I couldn't find it. The whole day passed and I couldn't say anything. I was completely speechless and almost helpless. The strong sadness I felt for my grandmother was overwhelming. How could I fix this? Is there something I could do to make it all better? In the end, there was nothing. This was one thing that I could not fix. One thing that would have to heal over time. It would take many days of crying and sadness....many days of just being and not really living. I pray that she can overcome it and grasp on to the wonderful memories she shared with this most generous man. I pray that with the support of her family and friends that she can find the will to keep on keeping on.
Through all of this, I have been reminded that life has no guarantee. I have been reminded that tomorrow may not come for all of us and that I need to live my life the best way that I know how. It reminded me of who I am and who I want to aspire to be. It's been a week of loss, mourning, reflection and a bit of soul searching. I'm exhausted!
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