My Mommy Mayhem...

Well, this past week-end was our first official Easter celebration with Bryson. Last year, although he was born and almost 2 months old, we spent the entire Easter week-end in the hospital with him. He ran a very high fever which proved problematic since he had not received his vaccinations yet. In the end, it was only a viral infection and we were home in a few days.

Brennan had a great Easter with his Nahnee and Papa and his Aunt Kristin and Uncle Grayson. Funny thing about last Easter that I will never forget is what I found when I opened up pictures that had been emailed to me of Brennan's Easter that we had most regrettably missed out on. I immediately noticed that Brennan was wearing his pjs. I called Michael at work and said "oh my gosh! I just got these pics of Brennan having an Easter egg hunt and I think he was wearing his pajamas" lol! It was so funny! Apparently his Nahnee wasn't sure if they were pajamas or just a lounge set. Needless to say I have numerous pictures to share with him when he gets older to show him just how silly his Nahnee can be. :)

Easter morning we woke up to see what the Easter bunny had brought the kiddos. I got up extra early to shower and get ready for the day just so I could spend some time with the boys instead of rushing around trying to get everything ready to head out and drive to our final destination (typical for pretty much every holiday). It made the morning go so much smoother and although I was tired, I'm so glad I did it. After letting the boys discover all of the great new things they got in their Easter baskets, I decided to make an Easter breakfast. As I start asking everyone what they would like, I found that I would be making an Easter breakfast for "one". Brennan had already eaten enough candy to rot all of his teeth out. I'm a bad mommy I know but I figured "why not let the kid live a little"? Easter comes once a year! Michael decided he was going to eat left over spaghetti and Bryson had already had a piece of toast which left only me. Because I LOVE breakfast and generally find myself drinking a slimfast in the place of anything and everything that I would love to be eating instead, I decided to make myself some pancakes and eggs. YUMMY!




After breakfast we took the boys upstairs to give them a bath and to finish getting ourselves ready for the day. This Easter we spent with my wonderful in-laws. I couldn't ask for a better family to marry into and call my own. We went to my sister-in-laws beautiful new home and spent many wonderful hours together. The boys had a ball walking around her new home, exploring all the fun new places they could see. It was fun! I only wished it would have been warmer. The boys didn't get to have an Easter egg hunt wish really disappointed me! Fortunately, my mom is planning to have a BIG Easter egg hunt for all the kids the next time I go down to visit. Better late than never, right?

Well, this week has been an emotionally draining week. My grandfather passed away unexpectedly on Monday morning in his sleep. It was tough as he was only 66 years old. I kept thinking to myself as I sat on the couch early that morning, "how did this happen? could they be mistaken? why? how will my grandmother go on? how will she get through this?" It was a tough day and as the week progressed, it only got harder.

Attending the funeral home the next day was difficult. Seeing my grandmother breakdown was almost unbearable. She kept her composure and stayed strong while greeting the hundreds of friends and family members that came to pay their condolescences. She stood there the entire time and kept a brave face while everyone came one by one telling of their love for my grandad or the time they did this with him or that. It was difficult watching her stand there so helplessly...rubbing her husband's hair, standing there never leaving his side. As that day came to a close, my emotions were all over the place. I felt like I had cried all day long and was in definate need of some sleep.

After little sleep and many hours of tossing and turning while I awoke to the thoughts of what my grandmother was going through that very second, I found myself up and getting ready to attend my grandfather's funeral. When we got there, again there was a long line of people waiting to hug and comfort my grandmother, standing next to her sweetheart dreading the moment that she would have to say goodbye. As my moment to hug her came nearer and nearer I found myself feeling overwhelmed not knowing what I could say to help comfort her. When the time came, I just said the only thing that I could get out and it was "I love you and I'm sorry." Is there really anything else that I could have said that would have actually made a difference? She had just lost the love of her life, her soulmate, her sweetheart, the man she was to spend many many more years with. Is there really anything anyone could say that would make her heart hurt just a little bit less? If there was then I couldn't find it. The whole day passed and I couldn't say anything. I was completely speechless and almost helpless. The strong sadness I felt for my grandmother was overwhelming. How could I fix this? Is there something I could do to make it all better? In the end, there was nothing. This was one thing that I could not fix. One thing that would have to heal over time. It would take many days of crying and sadness....many days of just being and not really living. I pray that she can overcome it and grasp on to the wonderful memories she shared with this most generous man. I pray that with the support of her family and friends that she can find the will to keep on keeping on.

Through all of this, I have been reminded that life has no guarantee. I have been reminded that tomorrow may not come for all of us and that I need to live my life the best way that I know how. It reminded me of who I am and who I want to aspire to be. It's been a week of loss, mourning, reflection and a bit of soul searching. I'm exhausted!

Why do parents feel obligated to be their children's best friend and to provide them with all the material things that society leads you to believe they need? Why is it that we work overtime just so our children can get the latest new toy or the cool new game system? I ask this because the children of the world are failing to prosper as young adults and I feel that the parents are ultimately to blame. Yes, society plays a big part in this as well but why aren't parents being parents anymore? Why aren't we putting our foot down and saying no to the demands of our bratty children? Why is our biggest fear that our children will hate us instead of worrying that our children will grow up to be failures because they never heard the word "no"? We're too busy being our childrens' friends that we're missing out on our responsibilities as parents. For the next 18 years of my children's lives my first priority is to be their mom. They will have many friends throughout their lives but I will be the only mom they will ever have and therefore I want to put everything I have into being their protector, nurturer, provider, leader, teacher, and the best mom I can possibly be. Don't get me wrong, I love to have fun with my children and laugh and play but ultimately my goal is to raise strong young men who will grow up to be devoted husbands and wonderful fathers. I guess it just makes me sad to see all the children in this world that are still looking for that one person they can rely on to lead them through life instead of just trying to make them happy for the here and now. The material things in life will only be replaced with more material things in the future but the morals and values you instill in your children now will stay with them forever.

As I sit here beside my youngest baby boy and watch him sleep I start to think about how truly lucky I am to have such an amazing little family. Not only am I married to an amazing man but I have 2 beautiful sons who I absolutely adore. How did I get here? How did I find my way down this path of true happiness?

As a young adult I never saw my life turning out this way. I grew up in a broken home and never witnessed a good, solid marriage. I guess I always thought that either I would spend forever alone or that I would end up in one of those unhappy marriages that I came accustomed to seeing on a daily basis. Although everyone constantly told me that I was too picky when it came to men, I knew that the right guy was out there.

After meeting Michael, it was only a short time before I knew that I had met my Mr. Right. We were inseparable from the beginning and became the best of friends. We spent the next several years just enjoying our life together. We got married and bought a house. It was an amazing time in my life. I will never forget all of the great times we shared.

It was probably 2 1/2 years into our marriage when we decided that it was time for us to start a family. We tried to get pregnant for about a year and a half with no luck. We felt like there must be something wrong and decided it was time to get some help. After seeing a specialist we were told that unfortunately our chances of conceiving naturally were slim...only about a 4% chance. We were devastated. It was the hardest time of my life. I constantly asked myself why us. Why was it that everyone around me was getting pregnant but I was unable to? I felt completely isolated from the world during that time. We decided that we would seek help from the fertility clinic. After 2 months of unsuccessful procedures something happened that we were not expecting. We became pregnant on our own. The moment I found out I was pregnant was the most exhilarating feeling I have ever experienced. It was an amazing day that I will never forget! We had truly been blessed with the most amazing gift. Now, almost 4 years after that very day, we have been blessed with not only our 3 year old, Brennan, but have also been blessed with our almost 1 year old, Bryson. They are two of the most amazing little boys I have ever had the pleasure to know...and they're all MINE! :)

Being a mom is the most amazing job in the world. I truly feel like this is what I was born to do. If you would have asked me when I was younger if I ever saw my life taking this path I would have laughed and said absolutely not! The biggest shocker to me is that I am now a stay at home mom. I am looking forward to watching our boys grow each and every day. I also have my own online children’s and baby boutique...Teacups and Mudpies...which has been an amazing blessing to me. It has kept me feeling motivated and strong. I feel like if I can be mommy to 2 busy little boys and run a business at the same time, then I can do anything! :)

Life couldn’t be better. So I ask myself again...how did I get here? Patience....

Sitting here wishing I could fall back into bed, exhausted to a point of no return, I watch Bryson lay on the floor and cry because he can not eat food left out from last night's supper. He is so sweet and innocent and so doesn't understand why anything is the way it is. I can't help but stare at him adoringly, thinking of how blessed I am to have him and his brother in my life. As tired as I am, I always enjoy the short time in the mornings when Bryson and I are able to spend some time alone. The house is quiet, everyone else is asleep, and I am able to devote all of my time to him. We usually cuddle on the couch, me holding him under my robe keeping the two of us warm. It's a sweet moment and I love it!

I do, however, wish he could have slept another couple of hours today as I feel as though I just can't seem to get enough sleep these days. He's been fighting a cold for almost 2 weeks now which keeps him up half the night coughing and crying, which in turn keeps Mommy up. I'm definately feeling it today. I intended to take the boys to the library today but after nights like I've had, it's hard to get motivated to get up and get moving...UGH! Regardless of the way I feel though, someone has to keep this house running so I guess it's time to get up and start the day. My mommy duties are calling and I'm trying desperately to ignore them...:)