When I had my two boys I didn't, in the beginning, know just what I was signing up for. Does anyone really know what motherhood is going to be like? After having 1 child, do you really know what it's going to be like to have 2? For me, not so much! I knew I would love them although I never completely understood to the depths of the love that I would feel. I knew I would be sleep deprived, but I don't think I really understood how the sleep deprivation would affect the relationship between me and the man who I knew as my soul mate and 1 true love. Yes, sappy it is but it's my reality. When Brennan was born about 3 1/2 years ago, I was amazed at how much love I felt for this little guy. I was taken aback by the idea that this tiny little 9 1/2 lb. baby (yes, I know...a whole different story altogether) was really mine and that I was totally responsible for making sure he survived. I was amazed when I made it the first few days, although in a haze, I survived. Months later, I was more sleep deprived than I ever thought possible, my baby was diagnosed with acid reflux and colic and was crying 10 hours a day, my husband and I who never fought before were suddenly fighting daily, and I was feeling an emotion I had never felt before (mommy guilt) because my baby was going to start spending 10 hours a day in daycare. Did I know that when I first saw those two pink lines that I was signing up for this lifetime of total chaos and a world of eternal devotion to this little being? The concept was there but the understanding was not even close. Now, as a mom to two little boys, I think I'm starting to understand just what I signed up for. I signed over my sanity and with that the woman I used to be. Now, I'm a new woman, with a new drive and a new outlook on what life is really all about.
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